it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
