im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
