You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
