i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
