Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
