So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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