Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
