Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
