Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
