I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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