went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
