When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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