i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I touched a dick in church today
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
