you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
