Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
