Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
