my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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