Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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