I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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