I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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