I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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