eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drunk is not a location!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
