i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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