I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
