you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
