dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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