I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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