It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
