Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
