This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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