Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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