I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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