idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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