My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
