He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
