She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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