It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
