dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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