Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
