we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
