Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
