I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
