I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Plan B is the new Plan A
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
