I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
im holly from the hills drunk
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
