I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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