tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
