I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
