normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
