Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
