It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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