That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
