if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize