Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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