Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
