mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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