i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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