So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And then my night got REAL pukey
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
