I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
