she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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