I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I puked a lego.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
