i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
