Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Me too!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
