you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
