Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
