I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
