I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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