so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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