I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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