They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
