I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
