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• (810): View more from Michigan

  oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited

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• (276): View more from Virginia

  So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?

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• (707): View more from California

  i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Basically.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you

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• (772): View more from Florida

  i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered

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• (206): View more from Washington

  If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.

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