I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
